The
"A" Team
An
introduction to the divorce professionals who can help you achieve the ultimate goal: a
balanced, fair, and civilized divorce.
By Diana Shepherd
Divorce is a complex process that affects just about every aspect of your life -- from
financial to emotional, physical to legal. Unless you've been married for only a short
time -- and have no property, assets, or children -- you'll probably need some
professional help to get you on track to a healthy, happy post-divorce future.
The central figure in your divorce process --
aside from you and your spouse -- is your lawyer, but other professionals can help
to smooth the road ahead of you. If you're still on speaking terms with your spouse,
consider the services of a mediator, who will give you the opportunity to negotiate
the terms of your divorce settlement outside of a courtroom setting. An accountant
can handle the financial aspects of your case, and a financial planner can help you
after your divorce is finalized. A therapist can see you through your
"emotional divorce," enabling you to start creating a new life for yourself.
While each of these professionals can see you
through a stressful transition period, finding the right person can create its own stress.
Here's a guide to help you choose a good lawyer, a reliable accountant, a competent
mediator, and the therapist who's right for you.
Choosing which lawyer will represent you may
be the most important decision you'll make during your divorce proceedings.
"Unfortunately, many people spend less time searching for a lawyer to handle their
divorce than they do shopping for a new car, home, or apartment," says Lester
Wallman, a partner in the New York firm Wallman, Greenberg, Gasman, & McKnight and the
author of Cupid, Couples and Contracts. "It's shocking when you consider that
their future, money, property, and the custody and support of their children may be
forever affected by the quality of the lawyer they choose."
"The ideal lawyer lets you participate
in a discussion about your situation and is not afraid to tell you at the outset things
you may not want to hear," says lawyer and author Michael Cochrane. "After
spending thirty minutes with this lawyer, you can answer three questions: Do I feel
comfortable with this person? Do I respect his or her opinion? Does this person respect
mine?"
Finding a lawyer
Look for someone who:
- Practices family law. A lawyer who
specializes in taxation, even if he or she's a close friend, isn't going to be much help
to you.
- Has a lot of experience. If your lawyer
is fresh out of Law School, make sure he or she has an experienced mentor at the firm --
one with an excellent knowledge of relevant law -- to go over his/her cases.
- Is a skilled negotiator. If your case
can be settled without a protracted court battle, you'll probably save a great deal of
time, trouble, and money.
- Is firm. If you do end up going to
court, you don't want your lawyer to crumble at the first obstacle.
- Is reasonable. You want someone who'll
advise you to settle if the offer is fair, and not have the case drag on and on to satisfy
your need for revenge -- or the lawyer's need to "win."
- Is compatible with you. You don't have
to become best friends, but you must be comfortable enough with your attorney to be able
to tell him or her some of your deepest, darkest secrets. If you can't bring yourself to
disclose information relevant to the case, you'll be putting your attorney at an extreme
disadvantage. Your lawyer isn't your therapist or confessor, but he or she does need to be
aware of all pertinent facts in order to do a good job for you.
- Is totally candid. Your lawyer should
be up-front about what he or she thinks your divorce will cost, if there are holes or
problems with your case, and whether or not you have any aces up your sleeve.
- Is not in conflict with your best
interests. Don't share a lawyer with your spouse; don't hire your spouse's best friend
(even if she's a friend of yours, too), business partner, or any member of your spouse's
family to represent you -- even if you're on good terms with them. Aside from the obvious
conflict of interest involved, you'll have created enemies -- and probably a whole new
family feud -- before your divorce settles.
- Is more than a pretty face. This may
seem painfully obvious, but given our frail human nature, it bears noting here: don't
choose a lawyer based on physical attractiveness. You're looking for competence -- not
for a date on Saturday night.
Questions to ask a prospective
lawyer
The outcome of your divorce proceedings will
change the course of your life forever, so invest the time and money to find the lawyer
who will do the best job for you. Be willing to interview more than one candidate before
making your final decision. Remember: it's your responsibility to retain a lawyer who's
not only good at his or her job, but one whose personality and outlook are compatible with
yours.
Here are the questions you should ask during
your initial interview:
- Do you practice family law exclusively?
If not, what percentage of your practice is family law?
- How long have you been practicing?
- What is your retainer (the initial fee
paid -- or, sometimes, the actual contract you sign -- to officially hire a lawyer)? Is
this fee refundable? What is your hourly fee?
- What is your billing technique? You
should know what you're paying for, how often you will be billed, and at what rates.
- Approximately how much will my divorce
cost? The lawyer will only be able to provide an estimate based on the information you
provide -- and your realistic estimation of how amicable you and you spouse are. If you
think your case is extremely simple, but your spouse's lawyer buries your attorney in
paperwork, you can expect your costs to increase.
- What do you think the outcome will be?
Remember, you're looking for truthfulness here -- not to be told a happy story. A lawyer
who tells you things you don't really want to hear is more of an asset than a lawyer who
guarantees you anything you want.
- If your spouse has retained an attorney,
ask your prospective lawyer whether he or she knows this attorney. If so, ask: "Have
you worked with him or her before? Do you think the attorney will work to settle the case?
And is there anything that would prevent you from working against this attorney?"
- What percentage of your cases go to trial?
You actually want to choose a lawyer with a low percentage here -- a good negotiator who
can settle your case without a long, expensive court battle.
- Are you willing and able to go to court if
this case can't be settled any other way?
- How long will this process take? Again,
the answer will be an approximation.
- What are my rights and obligations during
this process?
- At a full-service firm, ask who will be
handling the case: the lawyer you're interviewing, an associate, or a combination of
senior and junior lawyers and paralegals?
- Should I consider mediation? Ask
whether your case -- at least in the initial stages -- might be a good one for mediation.
- What happens now? Do I need to do
anything? And when will I hear from you?
Finally, if there's something you really need
to know, or if you don't understand something the lawyer said, don't be afraid to ask for
clarification. There's no such thing as a stupid question when it comes to decisions that
will affect the rest of your life. Bring this list of questions -- with additions, if
necessary, to suit your individual circumstances -- with you to the initial interview;
that way, you'll know if all of your concerns have been handled.
Sharyn Maggio, a CPA who specializes in
litigation at the NJ firm Rosenfarb Winters & Co., offers the following advice when
dealing with your lawyer: "Take charge: this is your divorce -- not
your attorney's. While your attorney will be there to give you sound legal counsel and
protect your legal interests, you must be in charge and be proactive. Don't wait for your
attorney to make the moves: figure out what you want and work with your attorney to
accomplish your goals."
Sometimes, despite their best efforts, people
end up choosing the wrong lawyers. "Normally, a client will gravitate to the lawyer
who will fulfill his or her needs -- whether that be for a tough litigator or low-key
negotiator," observes David Wildstein, who heads the matrimonial practice at Wilentz,
Goldman & Spitzer in NJ. If it's clear that you've chosen the wrong lawyer, he says,
don't compound the problem by sticking with them to the bitter end. "You'll either
prolong the process unnecessarily, or end up with an unacceptable settlement," says
Wildstein.
Legal tips to help you through
your divorce
"Get from the beginning to the end as
quickly as possible. People often get caught up in fighting costly 'battles' that really
can't be won, or won't affect the outcome of the case. Divorce is a legal and emotional
process; the healthiest thing to do for all involved is to short-circuit that process as
much as possible. Not only will you and your children benefit emotionally, but you'll save
thousands of dollars in legal fees."
-- Philip Milone, lawyer
"Hire the best professionals you can
afford. Keep busy and physically active. Talk and socialize with friends, get adequate
rest, eat and drink wisely, spend quality time with your children, and commit to getting
on with your life."
-- Larry Thoma, lawyer, CPA, CFE
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